Oh Lord, won't you buy me an undo button...

Do I always have a choice? Theoretically, I think I do, though it is quite often that I'm tempted to feel that I'm forced to do something. Is it because the choice is too difficult, so I make believe there is none?

However, even when dabbling in the illusion of forced action or situation, I find that I still do have the following choices:

1. Deny any responsibility in what's happening and surrender to anger and depression or wallow in self pity, never allowing myself to hear the end of the story. In this case I find I get stuck in trying to get back to what was before only to realize really late that I can't undo anything. No one can.
2. Open up to the possibility of personal responsibility but remain unable to find my share. In this case, I would be able to shake off some of the anger, depression and self pity and improve my mental state a little but I wouldn't be able to improve the situation drastically. Frustration builds up from day to day, in time returning me to the cycle of anger and so on.
3. Face responsibility head on. I understand that I must have taken steps along the way leading to something which led to something else which eventually led to where I am and that I have never been completely helpless or choice-less. In fact, anything happening at any point in time does not just suddenly appear out of God's situation bag. For anything to happen there must be a set of causes and conditions that can be traced as far back as the afternoon of the biting of the first apple. Therefore, I generate acceptance and make the best of the situation and move on. When I take this option I often find that the situation does change for the better. Many times I find good fortune where nothing but you-know-what was in view. I may not be able to undo but I can move things around a little to make them more suitable for me and others.

If only I can remember the third option all the time...

One of my teachers once asked: if a person gets shot at the door of your building, are you responsible? What if the person is hit by a car in another part of town? How about if someone dies in an train wreck in a far away country? My answers to the three questions were no, no, and certainly not. He proceeded to say yes you are. You are responsible. I didn't like that. He said as long as you are alive, you always have the ability to respond. Life and responsibility suddenly became faces of the same coin.

Responsibility is not guilt. It is not blame. It is not about deciding who did what. The word responsibility comes from response-ability. Whatever happens in this world, whether it's to me or to someone I never imagined existed, is my responsibility. My situation is my responsibility. It is so because I always have the choice of response. This is what life is made up of: responses and responses to responses and responses to the responses to the responses and so on, endlessly.

I still wish for the undo button though.